Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
