i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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