All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
