Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It was confusing and full of hummus
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
