All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
