yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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