Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
