Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I will be naked everywhere
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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