i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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