i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
