Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
