Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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