I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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