I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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