Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
