I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
