yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
