Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Congratulations! We have a period
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