it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
