The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
