You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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