i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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