dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
