Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
