She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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