So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
