I CAN MOONWALK!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
