I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
