Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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