here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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