There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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