What did we do last night that was yellow?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
