mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I deserve this hangover.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
