he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
