I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
