Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
