in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
