Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
