I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
