I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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