ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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