You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
