also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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