maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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