Someone shit on the floor
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
