we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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