you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
