I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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