Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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