I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
