Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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