No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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