Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
