Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
