i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
