oh god the rape fog is back!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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