I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
