He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
