While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
