I heard we made out
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
