I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
