i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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