we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Randomize
