You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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