I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
