They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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