When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
