So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
