I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
