i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
