haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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