Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
