I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i need some magic done to my vagina
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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