let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
birth control should be required to get into college
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
